A Rusty Clockwork

2012-02-05T15:28:00.002+13:00

2012-01-25T20:02:00.000+13:00

2012-01-24T02:30:00.001+13:00

2012-01-18T01:39:00.000+13:00

I've been in hospital for the past couple of days. I acquired appendicitis last Friday, it came on almost immediately. After sitting in a hospital bed waiting bored out of my mind as my operation kept getting delayed and me being drip fed instead of eating, I went under the knife in the early hours of the morning. I bounced back from the operation immediately and I was discharged by midday the same day. Still, even holding a camera now takes the breath out of me.

2012-01-12T01:11:00.000+13:00

I came across the http://www.twofortheroadblog.com tumblr recently, it is brilliant.

2012-01-09T01:57:00.000+13:00

My favorite piece

The Elam graduate show happened late November in Auckland. Elam is the school of fine arts over here and at the end of each year they put on an exhibition for all graduating students, young and old. This was the second year that I've attended but the first time I've actually paid proper attention. There was the good and the bad, each student gets a space regardless of what their work is. The photograph above shows what was my favorite piece in the show, the artist (whose name escapes me, all I can remember was that they were Korean) did a very minimal watercolour of a scene somewhat likened to silk screen works. Each piece was done on an A4 paper and then stuck to the wall. Each piece of A4 was individual but they were connected on the wall to each other like pieces of a puzzle creating different landmarks such as the bush shown in the photo. But what made it so great was the sheer size of the work as it covered 3 entire walls worth of these A4 paintings. The entire room looked awesome and you began to play a bit of where's Wally as you found these little scenes within the work such as a man transporting goods to a market. It was organizing the random.

The photography was a little disappointing and I didn't bother taking photos of the works. The main gallery floor was dedicated to a photographer which was nice to see. The work itself were colour prints (done in with a 4x5 view camera I was told) with fairly basic portraiture and landscape photos. The photos themselves were of high quality no doubt, but I felt they lacked a great deal of innovation. They looked like the typical artsy photojournalistic stuff we get today without the journalistic part. I left unsure of what the installation was about in the first place. But the photography got worse from there. There were 6 photographers in total, 3 had done out and about work and 3 had done studio work. Apart from the photographer mentioned above, the other 2 out and about's work caught my attention immediately but not in a good way. Their work showed a great deal of similarity to the first guy (I actually thought all 3 spaces were from the same person at first). Exactly the same, right down to the format, fairly similar subject matter, composition and even the colour cast of the film was identical. I mentioned it to one of the moderators who said that the one in the gallery floor was a post grad and often some of the younger students try to emulate their work. The studio stuff had it's flaws too, one of the works was from someone I have met before. She had taken nude photos of herself in a garden and that's really what they were. I'm sort of impartial about it and here's why, for one nude photos for the sake of being nude photos have been done and were provocative.. back in the 50's. In today's western world nude for the sake of being nude means nearly nothing and in that context the photos were completely empty. On the other hand she is Muslim which reinstates the tabooness within her own culture, I was just probably the wrong crowd. Another studio photographer did nudes too, they had taken a model and written on their body certain cuts of meat and another model was poking them with a knife and fork. I had seen something similar done before but the work itself wasn't that bad apart from one thing which really annoyed me. If you're taking nude photos of a person and the key feature is writing on them, don't choose a model that already has tattoos! It was distracting, detracting and unnecessary.

I know I'm having a pretty bad moan about the photography part of the show but I was really looking forward to it and left feeling very unimpressed. But the lowest part of the show may go to the work in the photo below. I think it's supposed to be a potato on a couch, but it also looks like a piece of shit... just like the work itself. That's 3 years of work/study right there.

2012-01-05T03:34:00.000+13:00

2011-12-29T22:27:00.000+13:00

Happy New Years everyone!

2011-12-15T00:48:00.000+13:00

I've been helping plan and organize this year's summer camp for the past week and tomorrow we leave to run it. I'll be back in a week.

Cleavage Ball, I'm sure you can figure it out.

2011-12-13T01:13:00.001+13:00

"The Wolfpack" - The Hangover

2011-12-06T14:50:00.001+13:00

2011-12-04T21:37:00.000+13:00

2011-12-03T00:55:00.001+13:00

After a phone interview assessing where I was at, I was accepted to take the photography paper I wanted allowing me to skip through two years worth of classes. The conversation itself starting with her telling me some concerns about going straight into this paper and then moved onto where I was coming from. After that she asked the questions such as "What do you want to do with photography?". Don't know about others but these are difficult questions to answer. How many people actually know exactly what they want their photographs to convey and then go out and convey the exact message intended? I don't think art photography or art in general works that way.

But it all went well, I just told her what I was working on currently, future projects I have in mind and where I get my influences from which she said was good to hear and that it was important for students to track them. Towards the end we were having a little laugh about things and started discussing the Elam's Graduate Show which I went to the other day. The woman who I was speaking to was actually assessing the work for the students. So I told her one of my concerns about 3 different people all with very similar work which interested her but I'll do a little writeup of the Elam show later. Anyway, it all ended with "I'll see you in class next year then." and a big grin on my face.

2011-12-01T23:39:00.001+13:00

2011-11-29T14:08:00.001+13:00

Where's kitty?

2011-11-25T12:43:00.000+13:00

So I finally received a reply from the lecturer about taking that paper. But she said she was still unsure about my ability to use studio lighting and digital workflow which I do acknowledge that the work I sent couldn't really prove that point anyhow. But she also questioned the ability to produce a long term photography project which is quite annoying considering that I gave her 4 different sets of work. So now I have to go speak in person, which I would have liked to have done in the first place.

2011-11-22T15:51:00.000+13:00

2011-11-21T01:25:00.000+13:00

2011-11-20T11:54:00.001+13:00

2011-11-18T11:40:00.001+13:00

It was my birthday the other week then one of my friends a couple of days ago. We're all getting a little older, 22 now. We all just figured that birthdays from here on out are going to be lackluster compared to how we used to get hyped up. At lunch I said to him and the other guys,

"You know, by next year we're all going to have to leave home and start flatting. Otherwise we're going to become 23 year old's who still live with their parents. And that is a bit awkward."
"Yeah, but we all know that's not going to happen. You know we'll still be living at home."
"Yeah that's true, but I'm just saying."

I went for a drive yesterday up to our old beach house. It in a secluded place and there aren't many people around. Before we sold the place there were quite a number of things that were unique to the area. There was this place down on the beach named Guriassic Park (because they misspelled Jurassic) that was made up of driftwood in funny shapes with faces painted on it etc. There were events for kids, fishing competitions and the like but these have since disappeared. I went down to the beach and found a large bare patch where Guriassic Park used to be, it looked alien like someone had come and stripped the culture and life out of that part of the beach. Everyone who used to live there has left, everybody were friends so one moves more follow until the entire area becomes home to a completely different crowd of people and that is exactly what happened there.

As I walked along the beach thinking about how change is inevitable, that you can't stop time and what was once yours may not always be. Realising that parts of the history that we had contributed to that place are gone, overwritten. That "History is written by the victors." But even though the place looked different it sounded and even smelt the same, and that made me a little happy.

2011-11-14T16:10:00.000+13:00

2011-11-13T18:41:00.001+13:00

2011-11-11T00:20:00.001+13:00

Today I went to my university's Art&Design exhibition and saw some pretty good stuff. I was actually really surprised how talented some of the people were. There was this one video installation, a mixture of digital art, animation and a little photography. I was amazed at how one person put together this fully animated and intensely detailed installation, the storyline wasn't half bad either. Now I'm waiting for the 27th when I'll head to the Elam Art School to check out their open day, that's bound to be pretty good.

Afterwards I took a drive out of the city and after a few stops I ended up at the beach. Along the way someone shouted my name. It was one of my friends from uni, she was sitting up on the bank in a bikini though she quickly covers herself to come and greet me. She was with her friends, another girl and I'm guessing their boyfriends. Seemed like a couple of good dudes, I introduce myself and got the common reply "Do you watch Entourage?" as my name is Ari like one of the characters. So unfortunately she starts a really generic conversation about the end of university for the year and hard exam questions that we had. She invites me to stay and chill with them afterwards but I feel out of place so I give some weak excuse and make my escape.

Now back at home and writing this, I'm thinking about girlfriends and stuff like that. I had told a friend yesterday that I had been harmlessly flirting with the waitress at the coffee shop I go to for almost the past 2 years. But he tells me that it's not really flirting because it's all about coffee at the end of the day, so I just say that it doesn't stop her from being cute. I had brought it up because on Sunday night I had gone out with some friends from work for dinner. It was mainly for us to get together with Stef and Christina who had left to work elsewhere earlier in the year. We had always said we were going to have a going away party but it never happened.

Stef and Christina had been going out with each other shortly after I started working with them and I had become quite friendly with both. Out of the 6 of us at dinner, everyone smoked except for Christina and myself. So everyone left to have a smoke outside and we had a chat, she asked me what's going on with girls in my life. I told her nothing and she was shocked to hear that. She starts telling me that when I started working with them another friend of mine, L'amour, were flirting with each other a lot and how Christina was really jealous that L'amour was getting all the attention. She then said that she started to notice how weird it was that although we were flirting with each other I never made any moves to further anything between us. L'amour since moved on and started dating someone else. Christina told me that she is still confused as to why I'm still single and that it shouldn't be hard for me to find someone which was nice to hear. But now I'm thinking about stupid little things like my failure to take the step forward with girls and my cute waitress. And how it's all just about the coffee.

2011-11-08T02:28:00.001+13:00

2011-11-02T18:34:00.000+13:00

Although it's exam time now and I should be studying, I've applied to take a photography paper next year for my last year of university (I don't study photography). Unfortunately the paper has prerequisites so I asked if I could be granted an exception as the required papers were pretty basic things like how to use studio lights and process raw files. A few emails later it said that an exception could be made provided I give a portfolio preferably showing work that meets the requirements of the previous papers. Problem - I don't use studio lights, I don't shoot digital. So all last night was spent putting together a portfolio of work done this year that shows no ability whatsoever in what they wanted. Talking to my sister today, she said not to worry as I'll probably sweet talk my way through anyway. The portfolio meeting is on Monday and I'm getting into that paper no matter what.

2011-10-30T13:22:00.000+13:00

2011-10-28T00:13:00.000+13:00

2011-10-27T00:19:00.000+13:00

I borrowed a little old Zeiss Nettar from the darkroom, it's viewfinder was broken off so everything was guess work. I had a little fun with it though.

2011-10-26T03:48:00.000+13:00

Chilli Philly

I'm so stressed out at the moment over exams which are starting Monday. The country is in a good mood at the moment, we won the rugby world cup. It would have been a disaster to moral if we lost and in the final, people were sitting on the edge of their seats. People had been saying that we were going to beat the French by 15 points at least all day prior. Come to the game and the French hit hard, we won the match by 1 point which was far to close for comfort.

Anyway the following day there was a free concert in town, a few famous NZ musicians were playing and I went to check it out. I took the camera knowing that there would be thousands of people but all this stress has left me in such a slump. I think I took 5 photos in about 4 hours even with 30,000 people or so around me. Just haven't been feeling it over the past few weeks. Though that was also around the time of the opening night of my group exhibition. The opening night was good, it could have used a few more people but I guess that's always the case. Oh, and also that someone put 2 large fingerprints on one of my prints.

I got into a long discussion with a man who works in selling photography gear. The conversation started with him trying to match our faces to the photos he thought we would have taken, but he got everyone wrong. We were looking at peoples photos and discussing how photography had changed over the years, we talking about a few methods and the work he used to do. He then told me his one thing he couldn't stand was when the subject of the photo isn't perfectly sharp. All the time he was saying that I was thinking about all the photos I like pre-autofocus era and how much I disagreed with him. But I didn't say anything, instead I felt incredibly awkward as the photos I was exhibiting were these abstract... regardless sharpness didn't even play a factor in my photos. So we got onto discussing my work and we talked about the context of the work within an exhibition and also the environment.

This was kind of relevant as I had been planning on finding an exhibition space for the following year. I had approached the university gallery and talked with the curators to get some ideas. The uni gallery spaces were in use for the dates I wanted, so we discussed the possibility of other spaces around the uni and then talked about the galleries around the city. They cracked a few jokes about certain galleries and the types of work they like, but at the end of the day I went on a wild goose chase talking to people who would say "no you have to talk to person x instead". I might be getting ahead of myself anyway considering that I'm not even taking any photos at the moment. I'm watching the "Breakfast Club" instead.

2011-10-24T04:05:00.002+13:00

2011-10-21T01:19:00.000+13:00

2011-10-20T00:03:00.001+13:00

2011-10-19T20:35:00.000+13:00

2011-10-18T13:51:00.001+13:00

I'm getting a bit slow on updating this blog lately, things have been really busy. It's getting towards the end of the university year so it's that rush to get in the final assignments before the exams start. Which doesn't actually mean I'm studying, it means that I'm playing video games instead. Plus it's the start of the Jewish year, so a few major festivals happen over a couple of weeks. It's not a bad thing, you spend a lot of time with people eating and drinking so I'm quite happy. But it does pretty much rule out doing anything else over those weeks. I'll get back into it soon.

2011-10-15T19:19:00.000+13:00

2011-10-10T23:07:00.000+13:00

I found a small photobook on the ground yesterday. Well, it's not really about photography, more so a visual artist. I wonder who dropped it?

2011-10-05T23:53:00.002+13:00

2011-10-03T00:43:00.000+13:00

I just drove all the way into the city center, parked in a paid carpark, bought an iced chocolate with chocolate cookie bits in it (YUM!), went to the library to write an essay and then realised I had forgotten the USB drive with all my work on it at home. I can't believe I did that.

2011-10-01T21:30:00.000+13:00

Best friends

I did my printing for the exhibition starting next week. In the end I choose to print completely different pictures than what I had originally thought. I saw some of the others photos and I couldn't really fit my recent work into the theme so I choose to print some more abstract photos I did a little while ago. Fortunately they came out looking quite good.

2011-09-29T02:18:00.001+13:00

2011-09-28T01:30:00.001+13:00

2011-09-27T01:51:00.003+13:00

2011-09-25T03:25:00.000+13:00

I had completely forgotten that I had a group exhibition coming up next month. I was reminded about it the day before the submission deadline and rushed to find something vaguely fitting the theme. I collected a bunch of material and headed into the darkroom hoping that I could decide what I was going to print when I got there. I looked around the room for the others submissions to get an idea of what I should do myself, but there wasn't anything else. So I was really stuck. I write off the photos that I really like because they are too loosely connected to the theme and I'm left with two different sets of photos, both that I'm not really happy exhibiting. One of the other guys comes up to the darkroom then and has a look at what I've got and agrees with me, again recommending that I use the photos that I don't particularly like because they fit best. Then he tells me that the deadline was moved to Friday next week. All the pressure has gone now but it hasn't solved the problem of me having no idea what to use. What is more important, quality or very theme related?

2011-09-24T14:31:00.002+12:00

I had a look through my University's photobook collection at the beginning of the year finding some good things, like "Araki" by Araki. But because my Uni ID card expired and I never recieved the new one in the mail (which is a bit problimatic) I forgot about going up there again to the very top floor of our library. I had gone up there do write an essay in peace and quiet and after I had finished decided to have a look to see if they had anything new. Now I don't know if I had missed it at the beginning of the year but from what I remember as 1 shelf worth of photo books turned into an entire row. I was like a kid in the candy shop finding all those books I had heard about but never seen like Winograd's "The Animals" and various others. Now I won't lie and say I have a soft spot of Japanese photographers (there is a lot of talent there, most of it unappreciated), the only book I could see there was the same Araki book I picked up earlier, probably because they were only stocking books that were in English. But I came across one other, Eikoh Hosoe's "Ordeal by Roses". I had seen some of the images on the net but I was pretty excited to pick up this raggedy book with a torn, faded dust jacket and bring it to the table to read. There were a few doodles in it, people had taken a pen to some of the photos and drawn stupid faces, it was kind of funny in that you wouldn't expect any less from it's condition. I only got a few odd looks from people for looking at photos of a half naked man tied up with a water hose. What I enjoyed more than the photos was the foreword and afterword in the book. Hosoe's idea that the photos were a "destruction of a myth" I found pretty interesting and also how the series name kept changing as the years went by eventually ending up as "death" shortly before the suicide. It was an interesting read. I'll certainly be making a few more trips up there in the near future.

2011-09-22T23:47:00.000+12:00

The Rugby World Cup is on at the moment and there is a good vibe around the country. Downtown on the opening night was a disaster though, way too many people and some smart cookie didn't close off the main road. There were situations with cars and buses running people over. The buses and trains couldn't handle everyone and most were stranded in town for over 4 hours after the game. Anyway, the games have been good. Ireland beating Australia was amazing, especially as I have been taking care of the Irish team at my work place last week. It was a nice moment when they overcame the odds which were 5 to 1, the luck of the Irish huh.

On a sadder note, a good friend Moshe who came to live in NZ as an adviser of sorts finally went back home after 3 years. I remember when we first started working together, we all didn't get along so well. Once when we were preparing for a camp, we all wanted to get a little (really) drunk. We had a bottle of Vodka and were just about to open it. Moshe came in and was really upset saying that we shouldn't be doing this the day before we head off and took the bottle away from us saying "Vodka is better frozen, I'm going to go put it in the freezer."

We got really pissed off at him. However, as time passes you get to know each other more and people ease up. As that 'adviser/mentor' role started to break down we became really close with him and he turned out to be so funny. We ended up loving the guy. Unfortunately a few people in the community still disliked him and said some nasty stuff towards the end of his stay, we really did try out best to stick up for him. When his farewell dinner happened we weren't expecting much. But hell 200 people showed up, standing ovations and everything. Moshe and his wife Meital (who is also great) were in tears.

Because our friend Rafi was up from Wellington we headed back home to have a few drinks. It was about 11pm and all of a sudden, crazy idea. We rang up Moshe and asked if he wanted to come and drink with us, although he was at home with his wife and 5 kids and it was 11pm we weren't expecting him to say yes, but he did almost immediately. 20 minutes later he walks down the stairs. He opens his jacket and from his inside pocket he pulls out an ice cold bottle of Vodka "See I told you, Vodka is better frozen." That was a good moment.

It always ends up like this.

2011-09-18T14:11:00.002+12:00

2011-09-17T00:27:00.000+12:00

2011-09-16T00:19:00.001+12:00

I don't want this blog to turn into one where I just put up my favorite photos every now and then. Because, as I am sure like many other photographers, take a lot of really shit photos. I don't have a lot of faith in the quality of my own work which may seem negative, but I'm glad it's that way because I do notice that my ability and interest in subject matter is always evolving. I don't ever want to be complacent with what I am doing because I know, just as any other photographer, that I could be so much better. I spend quite a lot of time looking at other photographers work's, young and old, and I am always amazed at how great their bodies of work are. Mine in comparison seems pretty lacking and who knows if it will ever be as good as theirs in the future, but I believe that I have to strive towards it and beyond. Bellow is a copy of my favorite letter, I think it epitomizes how I feel.

May 23, 1963

Rina,

  You're almost sixteen. Do you realise you've lived nearly a
quarter of your life? An insect, which lives only a few days, probably
feels that its life span is enormous. Perhaps that's why we believe that
we still have an eternity ahead of us. But man does not live forever, and
he should put the days of his life to the best possible use. He should
try to live life to its fullest. How to do this I can't tell you. If I
had a clear answer, I'd have half the solution to the puzzle called life.
I only know that I don't want to reach a certain age, look around me and
suddenly discover that I've created nothing, that I'm like all the other
human beings who dash about like so many insects, back and forth, never
accomplishing anything, endlessly repeating the routine of their
existence only to descend to their graves, leaving behind them progeny
that will merely repeat the same "nothingness."
  Why am I writing all this to you? Perhaps to protest against your
failure to realize that with every passing day you acquire a complete
world. Now, this very moment, you've gained something. From every mistake
you made you gain a little. Every single moment of your life is a whole
epoch.
  Do you remember Rudyard Kipling's poem "If"? In one of the
stanzas, he says:

If you can fill the unforgiven minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the earth...

Because each and every minute is made up of seconds and of even
briefer fragments of time, and every tiny fragment ought not to be
allowed to pass in vain. I must feel certain that not only at the moment
of my death shall I be able to account for the time I have lived; I ought
to be ready at every single moment of my life to confront myself and say
-This is what I've done...

Miss you,
Yoni

2011-09-15T12:45:00.003+12:00

2011-09-14T23:27:00.002+12:00

2011-09-12T19:40:00.001+12:00

I saw this guy running in downtown Auckland in a wetsuit and carrying a surf board, the nearest place to surf is at least an hours drive away. I thought it was pretty funny so I told a friend later that day about it, he laughed awkwardly and said "Do you remember when I used to always carry around a skateboard with me? I never told anyone this but I couldn't actually ride it, I just did it so I would look cool."

2011-09-11T14:34:00.003+12:00

Now this isn't related to Sea Lions but word of advice, don't go for months without seeing any of the photos you have taken because it's sort of like shooting blind. I thought I was in a bit of a slump and I guess I was but good things have come out of discovering that my last few months have been terrible photo wise. Looking at some of the photos I had taken frustrated me so much that I just grabbed the camera and went out and just took more photos, but with a completely different mindset and approach. I think ambition or something might have kicked in.

So with that and the original point of this blog I started scouring the NZ art community for anything. Found a few artists, galleries and a couple of low profile magazines that were interesting that I'm going to keep track of from now on. I'm also planning to head into the fine art school's open day to check out some of the student's portfolios and hopefully have a chat to some of them. I think it would be good to talk to a few like minded people my own age. Unfortunately of my close friends, only one really cares for arty stuff like I do so I sort of want to branch out.

I'm sure things are going to change, though in the meantime it's windy and raining and I'm just chilling out to Fleetwood Mac.<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUWKZadq6lc?hl=en"></a>
Also having a huge desire to buy this book by Itoh Meitoku, it looks great.

2011-09-09T14:57:00.000+12:00

2011-09-08T02:20:00.000+12:00

Love

in a zoo.

2011-09-06T00:34:00.002+12:00

2011-09-05T18:59:00.001+12:00

2011-09-04T22:08:00.001+12:00

Does anyone else notice that sometimes you take a photo and imagine that you took it in a completely different way than what you had? I swear I took the above photo at a closer distance. I must be making this up but I thought that I had taken the photo with the woman's face filling most of the frame, then I look at the negative and "whaaat?". And I had mentally prepared myself for this shot too, I don't feel too comfortable getting up close and using a flash on a stranger yet. Though I am trying so hard to work on this because I love that sort of photography and on that note, these 2 videos have been making the rounds over a few blogs last week "Look at this People" and "Goodluck China" by ERIC, a great photographer. I'm pretty sure I've watched the videos 20 times over the past week. Anyway back to the photo, guess that just happens (wish I got closer).

2011-09-03T04:08:00.000+12:00

2011-09-02T13:16:00.000+12:00

2011-09-01T04:34:00.000+12:00

2011-08-31T04:25:00.002+12:00

I received an email from a fellow artist in New Zealand. He wrote to me saying that he "could no longer take my photography seriously", that I take photos for the simple reason that they are "pretty" and that "there needs to be a pretentious element to art otherwise it becomes a chore". So essentially what was being said is that the artist must have a direction or intention so the result can become art, otherwise it isn't art, it is just pretty or pleasurable.

So I was slightly heartbroken after reading the email to tell you the truth but I did think about the issue and came to the conclusion that I disagree, entirely. The canvas is different for the painter and for the photographer, the photographer doesn't need an idea or intention to photograph anything, they don't need to know a specific direction or theme. I would say that a photographer could photograph from only instinct. That is not to say that a photographer cannot have a specific idea or photo they want to take but this certainly isn't necessary.

The photo above for example, I took it while I was waiting for my car's window to be repaired. Nothing is happening in the photo, I only took it because I enjoyed the mix of colours. I'm not trying to convey any message or hint at any 'deeper' themes here, I took it only because I had the instinct to put the camera up to my eye and click. Honestly, I wouldn't display the photo if it wasn't to make this point. Yet, while I find the photo visually interesting, I don't find it emotionally interesting. So doesn't that mean that this photo is only 'pretty' to me? So can it not be art? But this is all assuming that I am defining what is artistic about a photo. Rather, I would say that it is the viewer that decides what is art and what is not. Theoretically, can't art be nothing but visually pleasing?

I'm pretty sure it was Winograd who said the only reason he took photos was to see what they would look like as photographs. But I think this is an inescapable fact about all photographers and their art, not just Winograd. Unlike a painter's canvas, a photographer has (in most cases) less or no control over it at all. The world doesn't pause and arrange itself to a photographer's desires. Robert Capa participated in D-day probably knowing that he would be taking photos of dying Allied soldiers, but the photos he took were not prearranged or known to him until the very second he took them. One could leave the home with a camera and aim to capture something that represents a certain theme, but unless they are working in a studio or similar it's unlikely they will get the exact shot they want. Unlike a painter's blank canvas, a photographer's canvas is already full, they are just picking bits out of it. So in that sense, photography works backwards to other forms of art, in the sense that the depth of a photo is developed after it has been taken. No photographer raises a camera to their eye, sees a perfect moment and then begins to contemplate all life's themes incorporated there before they have taken it, because we work on instinct.

I can lay in bed and decide a method of photography, the location, b&w or colour and all these things that will aid me in conveying a certain theme, but unlike the painter I don't say "I want a beautiful women in a white dress riding a unicorn by the river Nile. Composed from the NE, angle of 33* with a nuclear blast in the background." Now I'm sure there are some photographers who can arrange this, however for the type of photography I practice there is just no way that it will work. I am not crafting a scene, I am finding one that has already been crafted. Because of that I have a desire to be open to anything that presents itself. And when one does, the only thing that goes through my head is an instinct that it will make a good photograph, for whatever reason.

2011-08-27T02:32:00.000+12:00

2011-08-25T19:04:00.010+12:00

Now I've got a slow pace going through old rolls I haven't seen yet. Some are dating back around 3 months ago. Funny how you notice that some rolls are great and others are just lacking that photo mojo. I haven't found the great rolls yet however. The one thing I hate about scanning myself is... forgot the word, constancy? Well, when 2 or more shots done in succession have completely different colours and contrasts and whatever when they should be exactly the same according to the negative, like the last two here. I always think when scanning that the result I get is not what I would get if I printed it in the darkroom, so it always bugs me. But on the other hand as much as I love printing b&w, I've never bothered to teach myself to colour printing and probably it's because of all this temperature being perfect fiddly stuff. I can't afford lab scans or prints on a regular basis though, I pay $6.50 for the 35mm dev only, getting scans for 1 roll takes that up to $16 or something, prints instead is something like $18. And this the cheapest place I've found in Auckland. I know of 1 person who sends all their stuff to the US, that could be an option. But b&w really is so much easier, it's just me, the rolls and the kitchen sink.

Though I got an email today, some friends want to run a C-41 developing workshop next week. So I'm going to have to deal with all the heat stuff anyway. There is one of those auto developers on the local trading site at the moment, maybe I should invest? Though the asking price seems a little ridiculous.

2011-08-24T00:46:00.000+12:00

2011-08-22T19:21:00.000+12:00

We've had really weird weather this year. There was a couple of weeks where every night we would get fog covering the city. Last week it was hailing and snowing here and around the country as well, in some places where there hadn't been any recorded snow for almost 80 years. I think it's really interesting what's happening, though I'm tired of hearing from countless people that the world is going to end next year. Because it's not, really.

2011-08-21T16:51:00.000+12:00

2011-08-19T02:38:00.000+12:00

The camp photos stop here. I've got about a month worth of work backed up to go through and I haven't even begun to look at what's there.

2011-08-18T18:45:00.001+12:00

At camp we went to see glow worms. I had seen them before in a cave, just a small patch of them. But this time was different, we headed down a canyon in complete darkness and the rock walls to each side of us were covered with them into the distance. They were like stars, and we were floating in space.

2011-08-17T22:42:00.000+12:00

This blog is just turning into a dump for all the camp photos.. I still haven't finished going through all of them and there were only 8 rolls worth. There's something like a 20 roll backlog now. Anyway, I spent last weekend in Melbourne, Australia. The country itself is great, so are the people for the most part. They're crazy drivers though, lots of swerving and jerkiness. We had cars overtaking us while we were waiting at a red light, that was kinda weird. That and the guy taking both hands off his steering wheel to give us the fingers. I didn't really get a chance to take a lot of photos, but in terms of inspiration there wasn't a lot of it either. Melbourne is sort of like a bigger version of Auckland, it looks exactly the same but there are more places to eat. It still sucks to be back home.

2011-08-16T17:40:00.000+12:00

2011-08-11T00:01:00.002+12:00

2011-08-10T01:18:00.000+12:00

2011-08-09T00:01:00.004+12:00

Shinoyama Kishin

Shojo-Tachi No Okinawa

I said that with the blog I would do some of my own little reviews of books etc. so I'll start that off. I purchased a number of Japanese photobooks a few months ago and this was one of them, Shojo-Tachi No Okinawa (Girls of Okinawa) after having it highly recommended to me. The book's subject also feels right to look at now because I'm going through all the camp photos currently. First of all, I'm not a great fan of Shinoyama's work. His work is generally just basic portraiture and as far as I know he works predominately in the 'beauty' industry rather than in the artistic field. But that is not to say I dislike all his work, he is a well established photographer and has produced quite a number of good books over the years, most of which are nudes. And he does a very good job, I'd consider him a straight-to-the-point photographer, as I wouldn't say his work contains much intellectual merit or hidden meanings beyond being just damn good portraiture and that may just reflect his nature as a commercial photographer. That is not a bad thing by any means, as it lets the subject really dominate the photo.

This book is something special, the photos really are so dynamic. The book starts in an urban setting and slowly progresses toward the beachfront leaving you with a vivid imagination of the island itself. It is just full of gorgeous full bleed black & white work and it's simplicity doesn't make you raise an eyebrow or anything, instead it just allows you, in my opinion, to take in some of the finest examples of portrait photography that Japan has to offer.

2011-08-08T00:23:00.001+12:00

I am procrastinating so badly right now. I have to deliver a presentation on the conflict in Colombia and I've been writing summary sheets and whatnot for the past 6 hours only to realise that half of what I have done is not what I should have been writing. I've got the final planning session tomorrow and I don't really want to turn up with this rubbish, but I also don't want to spend all night redoing it. Some friends and I were caught in the rain earlier today and it's sort of a similar feeling, you hate it but you can't do anything about it.

2011-08-07T18:44:00.000+12:00

2011-08-05T01:46:00.001+12:00

2011-07-31T18:44:00.005+12:00

For maybe even longer than a decade I've been a member of a youth group in New Zealand. Last week was the Winter Camp which I have been a leader at for the past 3 years. Before then I attended these camps as a kid for who knows how many years. It's volunteer work and it takes a lot of time. We do two camps a year, one winter and one summer, both have their own charms and last week was our annual winter camp.

I'm going through the photos I took there at the moment. The photos above are from the summer camp in December last year, it was the camp which I was in charge of. These photos here and the photos I have just taken last week are completely different. It's interesting to look back at how your artistic direction can change, often ending up completely different. As I look back at these photos and beyond, I have no doubt that my photographic skills have improved but that doesn't mean that before I simply wasn't producing good work. Around a month ago I was looking through some old negatives. Even though the photos that were taken last week were different and most of those old photos sucked, there were photos in there that I had disregarded at the time however, now seemed like great photos.

It made me think of that recent Araki exhibition "Theater of Love" as he found a box of old prints he made when he was in his 20's. Some photos are just better when you look at them sometime after they were taken, it's that nostalgia factor. Those old photographers like Capa are so well regarded not only because their photos themselves are good, but I also think that it's because the photos are a record of history, a visual testament to the old world. Maybe photos are like red wine.

2011-07-28T03:59:00.000+12:00

Broke

My camera broke, so that's pretty sweet. The lens cover things don't open anymore when I turn it on, I contacted the repair center and apparently I'll have to send it to Japan and it'll cost me a minimum of 15,000yen + whatever shipping there and back (and take around 90 days or so to come back to me). But that wasn't enough either, my only Medium format camera now has a bouncing shutter, that's another $200 job. My SLR's date back stopped working and the screw holding the battery compartment is stuck, I now have blisters on my fingers from trying to get it off. Did I also mention that in this same week my car has started leaking water from the radiator. It must all be just a coincidence. I'm selling a lung, chuck me an email.

2011-07-27T01:36:00.001+12:00

2011-07-17T23:42:00.000+12:00

2011-07-12T21:28:00.001+12:00

My father thinks this is a rubbish photo. When he saw it, he said "Yeah... no, next one. It doesn't have anything going for it". Anyway, I called it "Prowler", I think the name gives it something. We all look at photos differently, however a name can be like a map, to direct the viewers mind to the photographers intention. Or maybe it actually is just rubbish.

Here's a question; While I believe that you have to understand your own work, do you have to believe that your own work is good for it to be so?

Organizing a hen's night with my sister. Sadly the contents were not true to the cover.

2011-07-12T03:00:00.003+12:00

I sometimes go for drives late at night if I don't have anything better to do. It's really relaxing to take a drive outside of the city, with Fleetwood Mac playing on the stereo. Just driving until you hit some dead end. It's also a great way to discover new places to explore. The other day I was driving out in the middle of nowhere, I must have been about 1hr from home and I was getting ready to head back. Getting over this hill the full beams of my car lit up the edge of this decrepit looking forest, the base of the trees were all overgrown but the trees themselves must have stretched 20-30 meters into the air. They were this grey pale colour with no branches or leaves, everything looked dead. I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat, it looked like that sort of place that if you got out of your car you risk being killed by some creature out of a ghost story. I considered stopping, but I didn't. I figured it wouldn't be to smart anyway walking into a pitch black Forrest without even a torch. But it made me feel like a young kid again, like I was afraid of the dark. I turned back and headed home making a mental note on how to get there and started thinking of ways to photograph there as well, I was really happy that I had discovered it.

2011-07-12T02:33:00.000+12:00

2011-06-30T05:17:00.001+12:00

So I finally handed over the photos I did for the Monastery yesterday. It was all rather anticlimactic after all the time I had kept putting it off for, it must have been 4 months at least. I wasn't too impressed with the photos I took honestly, I found it to be the hardest situation I have ever shot in. The first two days I spent up there I was the only person. I was taking photos of statues and flags hoping that people would visit. I ended up getting sunstroke on the 2nd day. I took the negs home and got them developed and I reckon I had some good shots of their buddha statue (the largest in the southern hemisphere apparently), certainly different to the ones they already had. But that was not what I wanted to photograph, I wanted people, interactions, you know...

So I left the place for a week and returned the morning of Tibetan New Years and finally there was a decent crowd. But suddenly you're dealing with an event that lasts only around an hour. Then I realise that I'm really restricted in how I can shoot, these people are participating in a once a year ceremony and I don't want to disturb that in any way. I'm there as a guest and all of a sudden I'm struggling. It came and went and I ended up with photos that I feel are really 'out of it'. I think about what might have happened if I had been all over the place snapping away during the service and I just fear what the response might be.

In the end I had photos that didn't really stand out. So was what I did the right thing? Was respect and relationships more important than the photographs... I'm not sure. But I wasn't photographing defining moments in history, just a casual annual event. And as I have kept those relationships they were happy for me to visit the monastery whenever I want. Perhaps next time I will be free to be more pushy with the photos. But I hate that over conscious part of me, it really gets in the way of good photos. This 'next time' reasoning of mine sounds so ridiculous as I read over it again.

I hear from other photographers that when they're out shooting they just don't 'think' about anything other than the shot. I wonder if that's really how it is.

As I opened the book to these eyes, I noticed the pair already on the table looking at me.

The Brian Blake Exhibition

2011-06-29T03:22:00.005+12:00

I've been meaning to put some of Blake's works up. Anyone who's had a look into him will know that he has nearly no presence on the internet at all. He was a Magnum photographer from the 60's onwards and mainly worked in Asia, he is also known for his work in Spain and Egypt. He took that photograph of the kid putting his hand in Picasso's mouth if you know it. He is also known by magnum as the only person to successfully photograph the monsoon season. The exhibition was great. It was a mixture of photojournalism, a bit of landscape stuff. He did large format stuff in Egypt of 4-5 hours an exposure apparently, lighting up the ruins. I also really loved the mix of colour and black and white photos. All the work was just classy.

Here's a bit of his work. (I can't take straight photos, I don't know why but it's a bit retarded anyway. These are also dirty negs so excuse the spots and scratches)

And this is one of his 2 cameras, a black M2. Worn to the bone like any camera should be.

Also, here's a couple of shots from Leonid Tishkov's "Private Moon" exhibition. Which was extremely good as well.

2011-06-22T15:13:00.001+12:00

Lim Chhour

It's been raining for the past week and it finally let up late yesterday. I got in the car and drove out to Maraetai beach (it's somewhere in the middle of nowhere) hoping to get some nice shots. Though it was a Tuesday and the beach was deserted, so I was kind of disappointed that there wouldn't be any people to photograph. But that didn't really matter, I finished a roll of 36 off in about 30mins. The sun was on its way down and everything was gold, the water was a light blue and the sky was purple. Everything seemed so good, but perhaps that was simply because I hadn't really taken so many shots over the past week that I was just happy to get outside. That morning the rolls of film I ordered also arrived, funny that the roll I finished at the beach was the last roll of the old stock. Just the like how the rain stops and the sun comes out again, a fresh start.

I've finally put my head down to finish the work I did for the Tibetan Monastery, it's so easy to slack off when you don't have deadlines. I actually feel really bad that I've let it carry on for this long, I'll have to drive up there sometime this week or next and deliver the photos. My 12 hours in the darkroom won't go to waste.

My darkroom (with Snickers Pods and Pepsi Max) and contact sheets. This place is located at Auckland University, it's a mess and smells of 2 minute noddles.

2011-06-18T03:04:00.000+12:00

I'm on holiday now which only means that work comes to find me. I got a call today asking to do a photo job as a favor, it wasn't a hard job or anything, just an hour of my time at most. But as I was being asked over the phone all I could think about was how much I didn't want to do it. I've been thinking about the reason for why I really dislike doing any sort of graphic related job (I get asked to make lots of posters too) even though I really do love photography. I think I worked it out, that I enjoy photography for being able to photograph whatever I want to, but the moment I have to match someone else's vision I just start to find it tedious. I really hate not having freedom. I had always said to my parents that the last thing I ever want to do is end up in a job where I'm stuck behind a desk everyday. But then I compared that to these photo jobs, where I get to meet different people each time and the job is never really the same. I realised that if I am comparing this sort of job freedom in photography to working behind a desk, then what sort of career is actually going to make me happy? I agreed to the job anyway. It was going to be for a conference that I would end up being involved in anyhow, so I couldn't really refuse to do it.

2011-06-13T02:11:00.000+12:00

I have a tendency to frame to the right

2011-06-11T04:24:00.000+12:00

Wasting film

Before I started this blog, my ratio of black and white film to colour film usage was about 5:1. For the next few months I'm going to reverse that because I don't really understand how to work with colour just yet. I've got 5 rolls of b&w film left to develop and that is that. So I just ordered 4 photobooks (3 which use colour) that I had wanted for a while, and 3 bricks of some cheap colour film.

On the note of the film in terms New Zealand pricing to overseas -

The bricks I ordered were from Ebay - 10 rolls for $30nzd ($3 a roll) so not as cheap as it could be overseas, such as $1 rolls. But cheap enough.
In New Zealand you can't find 10 brick packs. The most similar equivalent was a pack of 8 for $52nzd ($6.50 a roll). A 2.2x price increase.

Very few people use film in NZ. In fact most have probably gathered here at Link:New Zealand Film (ab)Users. 66 people in the entire country. Well, there are probably a few more, but in the last 2 years I have only seen 2 other film cameras in use in New Zealand. Both were younger than I and one I unknowingly went to school with. But either way it's not common and ridiculous prices are a large deterrent for anyone new entering the market. Amongst both amateur and professional photographers, HDR stylized photos (landscapes, beachscapes) is the most encouraged and practiced genre of photography. No one is taking photos of people anymore. Sure friends here and there, but most of the examples of photos I see done out in the street are done with telephoto lenses and still have the subjects back facing the camera. These photos are generally absent of any sort of dimension/depth to them. I really do fear that in the years to come, there will be no adequate visual proof of what NZ and it's people were like during these decades.

Now I'm going to complain.

I'm not happy, I think my photography sucks. I just went through this roll of 36 and this shot was the best photograph I could find on it. It's not even that good. I feel as if I need to reinvent everything, this years photography festival has helped me realise that. I'm selling the M6, I've been thinking on it for the entire night but I'm going to do it. It's a huge investment and at my level it is unnecessary. I need to stop dropping my nuts when I get right up in stranger's faces and just take their photo. This is ridiculous what I'm currently doing, these sorts of photos aren't going to take me anywhere.

Feeling like this sucks! But I think it also has a bit of merit because it is what drives me to get better. But I'm thinking can I get better? Will photography ever go anywhere for me or should I start looking for a job in my field of study? I originally bought the M6 as a symbol to be serious and have pride in my photography. So tomorrow I'm going to sell it and start again.
While I'm writing this I'm texting back and forth with one of my best friends. He's a sketch artist and painter down in Wellington city. He wants to have a joint exhibition with me asap. I'm worried because for all my fears from above, I don't think my current portfolio has enough substance for a decent exhibition. He seems to think otherwise.

I told him I'd sleep on it.

2011-06-09T21:13:00.001+12:00

Laserstrike

2011-06-08T15:15:00.002+12:00

Boy dressed up as Ninja (yet everyone who has seen this photo has assumed it is a Muslim girl, good old colour association)

I had the most hectic day yesterday. On Thursday I'm giving this presentation with a couple of other people about the music industry throughout various parts of Asia, specifically it's globalization. I had sort of taken on the role of leading and organizing everything and I had said to the other two, Hayley and Natsumi, to get everything written up by Tuesday so we could go over it. So the Tuesday plan looked like this, meeting with the others after lunch, then going home to get ready for the Auckland Festival of Photography gravity festival. This part of the AFP was one night only, where there would be a circuit of cars chauffeuring people around to 9 different galleries in one night. I had set myself on going, not because I wanted to go to the galleries but because I wanted to meet people and schmooze. My contact list within the art community is pretty bare. So I felt that it was really important.

Then all off a sudden I remember that I was volunteered by someone else to run a class that night for some people. I had never agreed to doing that, but regardless I was put on the list of speakers. So I felt really shit as I was considering if I was going to ditch going so I could go to the gravity festival instead. I wasn't too obligated, the person who volunteered me said that I didn't actually have to speak, but I was going to be talking with a couple of friends and I thought that it would have been really bad for me to back out now. But the thing was, I hadn't even prepared anything. The class was supposed to run at least 30mins-1hr and I had no idea what I was going to do and here I was writing up what I needed to get finished for tomorrow for the music presentation. The choice was, finish the music presentation as the leader should not be the one slacking off. Or prepare something for the class that I didn't really want to run anyway. Well, it took me about 1 second to work out that my obligation to my friends was worth more than my academic status, so I put down the music stuff and started looking for a topic for the class.

So the next day I head out to the meeting for the presentation that I've only half finished. Hayley is already waiting for me, Natsumi had txt'ed ahead apologizing that she'll be a little late. So I sit down, make a few jokes and then tell her whats up, she just replies "Yeah, no worries.". Natsumi arrives shortly after and tells us she's basically in the same position as me and then we all just chill out and don't really care. We mess around for a little making jokes and whatever. We started writing the intro to the text that would go along with the presentation. We were thinking about a nice word to use for huge and since we were still in a funny mood (I don't think I've ever been serious about work when I'm with those two) I said we should use a stupid word I had seen the other day, "Elephantine". The rest of what we were writing turned out pretty weirdly worded as well because the whole time we dictated what we were writing like those BBC nature reporters. So I left the meeting and returned home knowing that I had another day to get everything finished with no hard feelings.

Now I had to work out what I was going to do that night, do I go and run the class or do I go to the gravity festival. I tried to work out ways in which I could do both, the gravity festival finished at 9pm and I wasn't running the class till 9:30. But I thought about where I would end up and how I would get back without a car etc. Also I was worried about me not being present at all, thinking that would look pretty bad. I went back and forth between the two options for several hours.

Stuff it, I went to the computer and printed of the notes for the class I would run and then went to meet up my friends. I spent all night there and had a really good time, my class went pretty well too. End of the day I was pretty happy I went but still, I was thinking did I miss out on meeting some new people that night. Did I miss out no the one thing that could change the rest of the year for me in regards to photography. I don't know. Back at home I turn on the computer and look at flickr. I hadn't uploaded a photo to flickr for about 2 months, but all of a sudden I had the urge to do so in the early hours of the morning after I finished putting together my notes for the class. There's a few comments on that photo from my contacts so I had a look. The first comment was from a photographer who I had spoken with online quite a bit, I liked his work.
He told me that he had moved to Auckland and he wanted to meet up.

2011-06-06T17:32:00.000+12:00

2011-06-06T00:32:00.000+12:00

The Auckland Festival of Photography is on at the moment. It's really the only time of the year that you can visit various photography exhibitions around the city. So I've hit up quite a few already, the best being that of (now deceased) Magnum Photographer Brian Blake. His work is great and the exhibition was pretty huge covering all the areas of the world he worked in. One of the exhibition... I don't know what they're called... workers? Anyway, this young guy was there. He was pretty friendly and we had a long chat. I think he approached me because I had the M6 around my shoulder. He said "Oh, you're using the same camera Blake used" and he took me over to a glass display box with Blake's M3 and M2 sealed inside. The M2 was originally black but there was hardly any paint left on the damn thing, it had been used down to the bone. I wish that for my own camera one day. So I walked around the exhibition three times finally taking a few shots of the photos I liked best so I could remember them. Then I headed to the next show.

I traveled out west to Unitec to the show Leonid Tishkov's 'Private Moon'. That was another great one, really loved the idea behind it (the guy makes this giant light in the shape of a crescent moon and then takes shots of it in.. private places). They had the actual moon in an empty unlit backroom with nothing else but a couch inside it, pretty smart idea. Though unlike Blake's, this show only had maybe 10 prints. I don't know, personally I feel that's just not enough to really explore the subject. Although it was exhibited alongside a sketch artist (whose name I've forgot and it's not listed in the exhibition guide either) who did sketches of the scenes similar to those in the photos. There was a middle aged couple there discussing the work, so I asked them for their opinion because I really had no idea. I asked "Were the sketches done before or after the photographs?". Neither of us could really figure it out, so I think that was a great thought to leave the exhibition on at least.

Anyway those two were yesterday, today I was at this 'Q' show at the Auckland library. It was something like photographs of theater actors, I didn't really understand it, rather I didn't have time to understand it. I got halfway around the show and I saw this print that I really liked. I was the only person in the room, I knew because I did this shady look over my shoulder, then I raised the camera to my eye to take a shot so I could look at the print later again at home. I focused and just as I was about to take it, the lights slowly dim and turn off. I was thinking "damn, security probably caught me on camera" or something like that. I waited for a couple of seconds and then went searching for the light switch. Of course there wasn't one so I went to get one of the staff to help me. They then had to go get another member of staff to help them and we ended up searching for a light switch for around 15mins. But we didn't end up finding one, all the surrounding rooms we found them and turned them on. Just the room where light was sort of necessary you know, nothing. But they explained to me that the only other place to control the lights was with security and I was thinking "dammit!" but the lady explained that their security chief was off on Sundays meaning that the security room was unmanned. So... it was just some coincidence, that happened to be at the exact same time of me doing something naughty (though there wasn't any "no photos" or anything, but most galleries disapprove). Anyway I left and told a couple of visitors who were heading that way that the exhibition was 'malfunctioning'. It's a shame though, now the library had to deal with all the visitors to the show that closed 5 hours early. But, I left with this feeling that it was my fault somehow.

Also, when I got home after the Blake exhibition, I took the batteries out of the M6. The red arrows in the viewfinder had always annoyed and distracted me. I have always guesstimated pretty accurately when I shoot medium format. So why not 35mm too?

"Blake's first job was working under a hard taskmaster in a Wellington studio. Blake complained about the photographers not being allowed to use lightmeters when working to which the man replied 'You have eyes boy, use them!'. For his entire career, Blake used fully manual cameras and had to guess the proper settings for exposure."

On that note, for the festival of photography I'm participating in a group exhibition as well starting on the 13th. It's a black & white show, although no subject theme. I've got a number of photos in there, looking forward to it because I haven't really exhibited anything this year so far. If you're in Auckland, rock up to Cafe Roy's on K-rd after the 13th.

2011-06-02T21:39:00.000+12:00

Starting today.

Alright, rather than rewriting why I started this blog I'll just put down what I wrote for the about page.

Photography isn't a 'big' thing in New Zealand, nor is art on the whole really. There just isn't a large enough market for it, even commercially beyond weddings and corporate work. Most photographers who want to make a career out of it end up moving overseas. There is a serious lack of creative opportunity. How do you work with photography or art in a country where most don't care about it? So begins this blog, a record of a completely unknown photographer in New Zealand and the struggles which that entails.

That's pretty much it, also hoping that this blog will encourage me to produce some good work in the future. I'll also be talking about exhibitions I visit, books I buy/read or other artists. I'm always happy to answer questions and have discussions with anyone.